Flattery Doesn't Get You Anywhere
by NatluvsWeasley
Summary: When Lavender's boss asks her to work on the PlayWitch Top Ten Sexiest wizards, she is pissed, but as time goes she learns that, a little bit of goodlooking men posing for you isn't so bad afterall...


Flattery doesn't get you anywhere

I had been working for witch weekly for exactly five years, getting the job right out of Hogwarts at eighteen and getting my own column by twenty one. I had never excelled in school unlike Hermione, but also unlike her I had an incredible talent for writing and while professor Trelawney couldn't recognize prose if her life depended on it, my talent was never really appraised.

Nevertheless, I did my research and found out that journalism would be the right way to go for me and I applied as soon as I could to every News Paper or Magazine I could, before eventually landing a job for Witch Weekly. I have to say though that my letter was much more elaborate for that magazine in particular, and considering my talent in giving advice from fashion to boys they didn't think twice before hiring me.

However, my boos still thought I could be used for doing everything. I really did do all her work while she was fucking her boyfriend in her office and I'm sure she didn't think twice before sending me the letter. A letter that shocked me, pissed me off and almost gave me a heart attack when I read for the first time.

"Oh Merlin's bollocks!" I exclaimed to myself sitting in the small living room of my flat and taking another swig of the Firewhisky bottle.

I didn't want to do it, but I had to no matter how embarrassing it would be. I read the letter once more making sure I didn't misread what my boss sent me and sadly it still read:

_Hello Lavender, _

_I'm sorry to have owled you at such a late hour_…

No you aren't, Lavender thought.

… But I would like to ask you a favor.

More like give me an order.

_The month of December is approaching and like you probably know PlayWitch will publish their annual Top Ten Sexiest Wizards. However, they are currently on a shortage of staff and the Editor of that specific issue of the magazine has quit last week and considering your experience with men… _

No kidding, I've probably seen every single cock of the players of the Hogwarts quidditch teams and add to that my five other unsuccessful relationship.

… _writing your own relationship advice column. _

Oh, that experience!

_You will have to be the new Interim Editor of the December issue, hence the Top Ten Sexiest Wizard issue. _

_Enclosed you will find the list of the men that won and you will have to schedule interviews and shoots with them. Your photographer will be Ms. Parvati Patil and your assistant will be Ms. Romilda Vane. _

_Thank you very much, _

_Scarlett Manlethorpe_

However, this was far from being the worst part; I almost had a heart-attack when I looked at the list. I had dated half of them for Christ's sake, I couldn't take this job, but I knew Scarlett much too well, it was this or getting fired. And I preferred the latter. I made mental notes in my head about each of them and what I knew about the before floo calling and owling them in the morning.

_Harry Potter: He can't be too bad, watch out for Ginny though; _

_Draco Malfoy: Pompous git, but I have to deal with him, definitely not floo calling him, I wonder how Hermione does it; _

_George Weasley: Very hot, that's all I have to say. _

_Fred Weasley: Very hot, considering he's identical to his twin, ooh I wonder if they really are __**identical**__. _

_Oliver Wood: Failed relationship, bound to be awkward, OWL him! _

_Sirius Black: Now he's hot, old, but hot. _

_Bill Weasley: Hot, mysterious, dangerous, married… _

_Ron Weasley: I really don't feel like reminiscing the horror of my teenage years… _

_Cormac McLaggen: Another one of my failed relationships… _

_Charlie Weasley: Hot dragon tamer, only one I actually consider being normal out of the lot. _

I gave a look at my notes and chastised myself for being so pathetic and burned it with my wand. It was mid-November and this was bound to be an interesting week. I took one last swig at the bottle before scribbling a quick answer and going to bed. I would be doing this. 


End file.
